Last update Mon May 27, 2013

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Okay, okay, so, what do you actually DO, anyway?

Ah, now that's the fun part!

There are as many ways to "do" BDSM stuff as there are people...so really, what you can do is almost limitless. These are just a few ideas to bring into your sex life.

This page is divided into categories, with ideas ranging from mild to very kinky. Each idea has a totally arbitrary kink rating, from one to five . Many of these ideas work for people of either sex; however, some of them are slanted toward female submissives, simply because that's where my experience is. If you have any ideas you think should be here, let me know!

The categories:
Toys | Techniques | Role-Playing Scenarios


Before the good stuff, a few safety tips:

Talk about what's going on with your partner. You don't necessarily have to tell him or her exactly what you're planning; sometimes surprises are fun. But you don't want to do anything your partner hates, either.

Establish a "safeword." It's a code word that means "stop. Really. I mean it." You don't want to use a word like "no" or "stop," because sometimes you might want to work a pretend struggle into your fantasy. (I like "aardvark.") If you use a gag, establish another way that that person can say "Enough"--one common solution is for the gagged partner to hold a bell and drop it if things get to be too much.

Keep a few things handy. Want to tie somebody up? Have some scissors on hand in case you need to get 'em loose in a hurry. Bandage scissors can be slipped beneath a rope without risk of cutting the skin. And for God's sake, make sure you have a key before you try on those handcuffs!

Pay attention! Use common sense. Don't rush full-tilt into things you haven't tried yet.


Toys
This section describes fun things you can do with everyday objects in a D/s context.

Clothespins make wonderful toys. (Told you we'd get to that in the "How" part!) They can be clamped to all sorts of interesting parts of the body, and the sensation--especially on sensitive parts like nipples--is quite intense indeed. Furthermore, the longer they stay on, the more intense the sensation when they come off.

Clamp them to nipples, or anywhere along the breasts; along the sides, arms, legs, and thighs; and in fact almost any other place you can think of.

Generally speaking, plastic clothespins produce more intense sensation than wooden clothespins, and small clothespins have a sharper "bite" than larger clothespins.

Make a zip strip: If you really feel adventurous, take about six wooden clothespins and drill a small hole in one handle of each one, near the end. Then, tie the clothespins along a piece of twine, leaving about four inches or so between clothespins.

The result, called a "zipper" or "zip strip," is a series of clothespins that can be clamped in a row along your partner's body--for example, on your partner's belly, up along your partner's body, over your partner's breast, and on your partner's nipple.

Once the clothespins are in place, it's just a matter of finding exactly the right time to tug sharply on the twine, pulling the row of clothespins free, one after the other...

A wicked variant on this idea: tie one end of a long piece of twine to a clothespin. Run the twine through a pully in the ceiling, and attach a weight to the other end. Clamp the clothespin on your partner's nipple (or any other suitable place!), and have your partner hold the twine in his or her teeth, so that if your partner lets go, the weight will fall and pull the clothespin off. Now, see if you can make your partner let go...

A pair of chopsticks and a couple of rubber bands can also be used to make improvised clamps. Put the chopsticks above and below nipples, or along each slide of the clitoris, and rubber-band them together at the ends.

to Spanking toys are available inexpensively from a large range of sources. Wooden spoons, paint stirrers, and rubber or plastic ice scrapers of the kind you use to clear ice from a windshield all make excellent paddles. Wooden spoons are very "stingy;" the rubber ice scrapers are more of a dull "thud."

Snake bite kits are available inexpensively from camping supply places and department stores, and include suction cups that provide a surprising amount of suction. These work quite well on nipples, and also on the clitoris if the submissive is female.

Ordinary dental floss makes great nipple bondage. Tie a slipknot in a piece of dental floss and pull it snug on the submissive's nipples.

Remote-controlled vibrators and butt plugs are available at most sex toy stores these days. While they're fun to play with in their own right, in group or semi-public settings they are particularly wicked. You can, for example, equip the submissive person with a remote-controlled toy of some sort, and then go out to dinner with friends. During the evening, the friends can swap control of the remote controller device, and the submisive can try to guess who has it...

Brushes of various sorts are excellent on bare skin, especially when the submissive is blindfolded. For example, a soft brush such as a shaving or makeup brush can be alternated with a stiff brush such as a toothbrush on breasts, nipples, thighs, sides, and so on. An electric toothbrush makes a wonderful sex toy when used on a clitoris...

A bamboo skewer of the type used in the kitchen is quite an interesting sensation toy when it's used on a bound and blindfolded person. Dragged slowly and with moderate pressure over the skin, it feels much sharper than it is; used on sensitive areas like nipples and breasts, you can make someone believe you're actually piercing the skin with a needle, even though the skewer is blunt and won't break skin.

Ice is a great all-purpose sex toy that can be used in a number of different ways. Of course, you can always go with the old standbys--run an ice cube over your lover's body, especially if your lover is blindfolded and/or bound; or place an ice cube in your mouth and run your lips and tongue over your lover's body.

A more complex variant if you have enough lead time is to make an ice dildo. To do this, you'll need a plain unlubricated condom and the cardboard tube from the center of a roll of paper towels. Cut the cardboard tube lengthwise, then close it into a cylinder that's as wide as you want the dildo to be, and tape it. Fill the condom with water, tie it shut, and suspend it in the tube with a piece of string; the cardboard tube will prevent the water from bulging in the dildo. Then place it upright in the freezer. In a few hours, you'll have a seamless dildo made of ice whatever diameter you like! This can be used for vaginal or anal play; you can find illustrated step by step directions here. Note: Before penetrating anything with an ice cube, run water over it to prevent it from sticking to delicate membranes.

Bubble wrap can be used to make a great, and unusual, dildo, in virtually any width you want. Take a length of bubble wrap and roll it tightly, bubble-side out for additional texture, until it's as thick as you like. Place a condom over the roll of bubble wrap, and use a rubber band or tape to hold the end of the condom in place.

Dice and cards also add all kinds of potentially interesting variation to your sex life. I like using things like dice and cards, because they can create an element of surprise and tension. You can make your own cards from 3x5" index cards; or, better still, get a deck of blank playing cards from a hobby shop.

A punishment box is a good way to keep a submissive in line. Make a set of cards, each of which has an erotic punishment written on it. If the submissive misbehaves, he or she has to draw a punishment at random from the box. Or, if you prefer, make your submissive create the cards--preferably while aroused, as people who are aroused will think of devious things that people who aren't aroused won't.

Of course, the contents of a punishment box will depend on the people involved. One man's idea of cruel and unusual punishment is another man's idea of a great weekend; tastes vary, and limits vary too. Some basic punishments might include:

The submissive is not allowed to orgasm for the next two days.

The submissive will be turned over the dominant's knee and spanked.

The submissive must wear clothespins on his or her nipples for half an hour.

The submissive will be brought to the edge of orgasm, then stop.

And so on. They can be as mild or as kinky as you like.

You can even make a game out of creating the punishment box! Tell the submissive to create a certain number of punishments each day. The dominant will review each one to make sure it is actually a punishment, and reject any that are really rewards in clever disguise. Of course, the submissive will need to be punished for each rejected card...

Meta-punishments can be fun, too. For example, one punishment card might be "Draw two more cards and accept both punishments," or "Flip a coin: heads, you draw one card; tails, you draw two."

to Pick a Path to Adventure: This is a fun and devious technique that can make use of any of the other ideas here, and anything else you can think of. Make a list, without showing it to your partner, of questions that can be answered with "yes" or "no" or with multiple choice answers. Then ask your partner to answer each question, without telling your partner what the questions are.

For example, you might write down a list of questions such as "Will you be tied down?", "Will you be allowed to reach orgasm?", "Will I penetrate you anally, orally, or vaginally?", "Will you be spanked?", or whatever else strikes your fancy.

Don't let your partner see the list. Ask your partner, "Choose yes or no," "Choose yes or no," "Choose 1, 2, or 3," and "Choose yes or no." Write down your partner's answers, then do to your partner whatever their answers indicate. If oyur partner complains, you can always say "Hey, this is what you chose!"

to The marble bag: Make both a punishment box (filled with cards describing things the submissive doesn't like) and a reward box (filled with cards describing things the submissive does like), and to fill a bag with twenty marbles, ten black and ten white. (You can also use black and red checkers, or whatever else you like.) On a regular basis--say, every other night at ten o'clock--the submissive draws a marble at random, then returns it to the bag. If the submissive draws a black marble, choose a card from the punishment box; if the submissive draws a white marble, choose a card from the reward box.

This is very effective if, any time the submissive does anything disobedient or naughty, you take a white marble out of the bag and replace it with a black marble (increasing the odds of drawing a black marble), and any time the submissive does anything exceptionally worthy of praise, you remove a black marble from the bag and replace it with a white marble (increasing the odds of drawing a white marble).

to Earning Points to Freedom: The premise here is that the submissive is the dominant's sex slave, and must do anything the dominant instructs at any time until the submissive can earn his or her freedom. The submissive earns freedom by winning "points." To earn points, the submissive agrees to perform certain actions, which are like punishments (and you can use a punishment box as a starting place for making a list of activities and their point values). Each activity has a certain number of points associated with it, which varies depending on how difficult or unpleasant the activity is. The submissive is free to choose activities to earn points any time he or she likes, but is otherwise totally the dominant's slave until the submissive has earned 100 points, whether that takes a couple of days or a couple of weeks or a couple of months.

As with rewards and punishments, the activities and their point value will vary from person to person. A few quick ideas to get you started:

The submissive must masturbate to orgasm for the dominant's entertainment. The first, second, third, and fourth orgasm earn, no points; each orgasm after that earns one point.

If the submissive does not ordinarily shave his or her pubic hair, the submissive must shave his or her pubic hair completely for 5 points.

Knives can make fun and psychologically powerful sex toys

You do not actually have to cut your partner in order to do knife play. A semi-sharp or pointed knife edge drawn over skin, not hard enough to break the skin, is an intense and erotically charged sensation--especially if it is combined with a blindfold. Draw the knife very slowly over your partner's body for an emotionally intense effect.

If the knife is kept in a freezer before you use it, it can actually feel much sharper than it is; a blindfolded submissive may believe that you are actually cutting with the knife, when in fact you are not. The back, chest, thighs, and legs are excellent places for knife play.

Saran Wrap is a fun, sexy bondage implement

Bondage doesn't always involve ropes and chains. Ordinary saran wrap works very well for bondage; your partner stands with his or her arms at their sides while you wrap them from head to foot in a coccoon of saran wrap. This is a quick, easy bondage technique that's highly secure, and a nude person wrapped in see-through wrap is quite sexy. The saran wrap allows for all kinds of interesting sensation play, from mild play with ice cubes to more intense play with knife tips. You can spank, poke, pinch, and otherwise play with any part of your partner's body without any ropes getting in your way; this is very effective when combined with a blindfold.

Note: A person wrapped in saran wrap can easily overheat; it's important to take steps to keep that person cool. A fan works well for this. Also, once the saran wrap is removed, the person will tend to cool down very quickly; a warm robe is good to have handy.

Vet Wrap is another great bondage implement. Vet wrap is the same fabric material that Ace bandages are made from, but is much less expensive and available in much longer rolls. It's also available in many colors. You can find it in pet stores or online. Like Saran wrap, it can be wrapped around a person to immobilize that person quite effectively.

A fun variant on mummification with Saran wrap or vet wrap is to do things to the submissive that will supply constant stimulation while he or she is wrapped. For example, you can penetrate the submissive vaginally and/or anally with vibrators or butt plugs, put clamps on the submissive's nipples (tweezer clamps work well for this), or if you're feeling particularly naughty, even use a remote-controlled vibrator or btt plug before wrapping the submissive up.

Bungee cords make interesting bondage gear. The kind you can find in a hardware store for securing loads in a car also are excellent for restraining someone. Pad or cover the place where the hooks meet the cord, and latch the cords around the bed. Bungee cords are deceptive; a person bound this way may feel like he or she can escape, but they're surprisingly secure.

Ritual can be a very powerful technique in domination and submission. A submissive can be required to perform certain rituals, automatically and without prompting, at certain times or during certain events.

For example, you might create a ritual where the submissive is required to masturbate to orgasm every time he or she showers or bathes. This is an expected and required part of the process; the submissive should not need to be prompted.

A more risque ritual might require a submissive to find some way to masturbate to orgasm at least twice per week while at work.

Dice or other randomizing elements can be integrated into ritual, as well, One possibility, for example, is to require the submissive to roll a die each morning; the submissive's responsibility then becomes to have exactly that many orgasms that day, by whatever means necessary.

Techniques

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Adding realism to scenarios

Many scenarios include the submissive being taken by "force". One fun technique that can make this more fun is to buy cheap clothing from a thrift store that can be torn, sliced, or cut off the submissive. Cheap, disposable clothing can lend a fun air of realism to the scenario.

Extended Bondage

For people who like bondage, one thing that can be fun is to have the submissive sleep bound. This is most easily done if the submissive's hands and feet are bound together; extended bondage in one position (as, for example, if the submissive were tied to the bed) can become quite uncomfortable. Note that if you do this, you should not leave the submissive in a room alone, and you should bind the submissive in a way which can be released quickly in case the house catches fire !

Extended Penetration

With practice, it is possible to train a person's body to accept vaginal and/or anal penetration for extended periods of time. You can, for example, have a submissive wear a dildo vaginally throughout the day, or make a submissive wear an anal plug as he or she does errands or housework. The key is to start small--a dildo or anal plug that seems quite small at first can become too big after a period of time--and not push the submissive if it becomes painful. Patience is essential.

What this does is makes it impossible for the submissive to ignore the penetration, whatever else he or she may be doing. This in turn can keep the submissive constantly thinking about and constantly craving sexual stimulation.

I have even made my lovers keep a dildo inserted as they sleep--which tends to make the night filled with nonstop erotic dreams...

Of course, this can be adapted easily for male submissives as well, by having them sleep with a butt plug inserted.

Orgasm Denial

This is a fun, and frustrating, technique that can bring some of the spark back into sex. There are a hundred variations, but the basic idea is simple: prevent your partner from having an orgasm for a length of time (a day, two days, a week, whatever you want). You shouldn't make it easy; you can, for example, require that your partner have sex one or more times a day, or masturbate regularly (this works well when combined with a ritual of some sort), but your partner is not allowed any sexual release. Over time, the sexual tension builds up, and your partner becomes perpetually aroused.

When done over a period of several days or longer, this technique creates a very powerful level of sexual excitement. When you do finally allow your partner release, it's an extremely intense experience.

Sensory Deprivation

Tactile senses are enhanced when other senses are taken away. One way to make any experience much more intense is to tie down your partner, then blindfold your partner and also prevent your partner from hearing. The blindfold is easy; preventing someone from being able to hear is a bit more difficult, but there are many ways to accomplish this.

The most straightforward is to use a pair of common earplugs (the kind made of soft wax that seals over the ear works well; I also like the soft conical memory-foam earplugs you can find at a drug store), earmuffs, or both. Being unable to hear creates an interesting and often profound psychological state of disconnect from your partner, which can make sexual experiences more intense.

Some BDSM shops make special hoods called "ball hoods" which are designed to cover the eyes and ears; they're expensive (and psychologically intimidating) but work well.

For a more high-tech approach, you can use a pair of headphones--the kind that fit entirely over the ear--connected to something that produces static, like a TV with no signal (or even a tape recording of static).

In any event, a partner who cannot see or hear will tend to feel other things much more intensely, so combining bondage and sensory deprivation with other ideas on this page works very well.

Human Sex Doll

This is a good way to explore your partner and get your feet wet in D/s. The premise is simple: the submissive partner is a living sex toy, and allows the dominant to put him or her into any position and take any action, and the submissive partner remains completely passive throughout. The submissive partner simply remains in whatever position the dominant places him or her into, and does not take an active role in any way whatsoever as the dominant explores the submissive.

A variant on this idea involves tying the submissive securely in a sexually available position, and alternately exploring the submissive's body in humiliating and/or painful ways--for example, by probing the submissive's orifices with dildoes or other toys, clamping the submissive's nipples, and so on--and having sex with the submissive, during which time the submissive is forbidden to make any sound or respond in any way whatsoever. Failure to remain completely passive earns a punishment.

Enforced Availability

This works best with a female submissive, and is especially good for those of you with an objectification fetish.

Choose a specific period of time, such as one particular day, when your partner is required to be available for sex at all times, regardless of her state of arousal. During this time, she is required to do whatever is necessary to keep herself ready for sexual penetration or intercourse. Periodically throughout the day, you should take advantage of her availability by taking her sexually, without warning and regardless of what she's doing at the time. Keeping herself available and well-lubricated is part of her responsibility; she should be ready for you constantly, at any time. Note that care should be taken with an unaroused partner; good lubes are quite helpful here.

Eroticising everyday activities

There are a number of ways you can integrate D/s into things that normally don't have any connection with sex, eroticising them. For example, you might go into a pet store and have your submissive try on various collars right there in the store, then buy the one that looks the best. Or, you might send the submissive partner into a grocery store to buy innocuous things which suggest a sexual context--such as a cucumber and a box of condoms. This creates a psychological effect where the submissive is convinced that everybody knows exactly what's going on (and he or she may be right...).

Sensation play

This is a technique suited for anyone with a very sensual approach to sexual exploration. The idea is very simple; start by blindfolding your lover (and tying him or her down, if that sounds like fun to you), then subjecting him or her to a wide variety of different sensations. For example, you may stroke your lover'sbody with ice, or drip hot wax on his or her body, or caress your lover's skin with soft fur, coarse sandpaper, and other textures.

A bit more intensity can be had by using a dull butter knife you've kept in the freezer for a few hours (the cold edge of a dull knife can feel very sharp!).

Public play

There are many techniques involving D/s in a public space, particularly where feelings of vulnerability are created.

Send your partner to work wearing a piece of very sexy lingerie under her clothing (or, if the submissive is male, wearing a pair of women's underwear); this makes a constant, discreet reminder of his or her position. Or, if you're feeling a bit more risqué:

A rope harness can be made with thin twine or cord. Tie the harness around your partner's torso (easy-to-follow instructions for tying a basic rope harness are available here), and then have your partner wear the harness to work or while running errands, beneath his or her clothing. As the person moves, the harness shifts and moves against his or her body, constantly reminding the submissive that it is there.

Take your partner out to a very ritzy dinner at an upscale restaurant. Midway through dinner, quietly slip your partner some sort of sex toy. Order your partner to go to the restroom, go into a stall, strip naked, and masturbate to orgasm. As a particularly evil twist, you can order your partner to return to the table still wearing the toy. Doing something like this is a very effective way of creating a delightful sense of vulnerability.

Another idea: If the submissive is female, have her do something like go out to a convenience store late at night wearing a skimpy nighty. This creates an even greater sense of vulnerability. Note: If you experiment with this, it might be a good idea for safety's sake to accompany the submissive, to keep an eye on her...

to The Sealed List

This technique is good for long-distance relationships, or if the dominant partner will be leaving home for a time. Make a list of actions or commands, one per page, on a series of sheets of paper, and seal each one in an envelope. Put a random number on each envelope. The instructions sealed into each envelope should direct the submissive to open another envelope, perhaps immediately or perhaps the next day. Create some dummy envelopes too, so that you'll know if your submissive partner opened them. (By keeping the scenarios sealed in envelopes, you can preserve the suspense; the submissive can't open all the envelopes and read them all at once.)

Each envelope should direct the submissive to do something sexual that will take a fairly good length of time.

Conditioning (part I)

The human brain is a remarkable organ; creative, good at pattern matching and association, and capable of learning. This affords all manner of ways to have some kinky fun.

One idea that works particularly well is to train your partner to want something which he or she normally wouldn't want, and to anticipate and even ask for things that test limits.

Pick something that's within your partner's hard limits, but that normally your partner would never vountailry want or ask for. Something that you might otherwise use as a punishment is good; something your partner finds humiliating, for example, or otherwise challenging to endure.

Describe how you are going to do this thing to your partner. Take your time; let the apprehension build. Explain in loving detail what you're going to do, and how it's going to feel. When your partner is writhing and twisting in apprehension, explain that you're not going to do it until they ask you to. And tell them to make it convincing.

Don't give it to your partner right away. Order your partner to keep asking for it until you are absolutely convinced that they want it. Tell them to beg for it, and to describe how badly they want you to do it. Only after your partner is begging and pleading should you do to them whatever it is.

The interesting thing about doing this is that human responses work both ways; our emotional state influences our actions, but our actions also influence our emotional state. A person who finds himself or herself begging for something will really begin to want that thing, even if he or she would not ordinarily want it at all!

Conditioning (part II)

Another fun and kinky way to play with the mind's incredible flexibility is to use good old-fashioned classical conditioning in the bedroom.

Pick a word, or a name, and say it when your partner reaches orgasm. Keep saying it as your partner comes. Continue to do this every time you have sex; gradually use the word just the instant before your partner comes, then a little bit longer before orgasm, then a little bit longer...

With work and practice, it's often possible to train your partner to orgasm whenever they hear that word. Like, in the mall, in the office, anywhere.

Conditioning (part III)

Another take on classical conditioning is to find some kind of object--a piece of jewelry like a ring or bracelet works well--which the submissive partner will wear only when highly aroused.

First, arouse the submissive partner, by whatever technique you like. When he or she is extremely aroused, or close to orgasm, have him or her put on the jewelry. (You can, if you like, refuse to let the submissive partner orgasm, and keep him or her on the edge of orgasm for an extended period of time.) Remove the jewelry if the arousal starts to fade.

After a while, the jewelry itself will become associated with arousal. When this happens, it will be possible to become highly aroused simply by putting on the jewelry.

Conditioning (part IV)

This works particularly well with male submissives, but can be adapted to female submissives as well. It's a two-part process.

The first part is to have the submissive wear a bell or chime on some part of his or her body during sex (with male submissives, tied around the base of the cock is a good place to start). When you do this over a period of time, the submissive will begin to associate that sound with sex.

Then, after you've done this for a while, have him or her wear it other places in public--for example, to work or while shopping. It does not need to be worn in the same place; wearing it around an ankle works well. The sound will constantly remind the submissive of sex, and will help to keep him or her in an aroused state.

to Dirty Talking/Dirty Writing

Many people enjoy "talking dirty" in bed. There are a number of ways to do this, ranging from describing sexual fantasies before or during sex to using graphic language to describe whatever sex act you're doing at the moment. Some people feel awkward or silly doing this, but that's something that's easily fixed by practice; it doesn't take very long at all for it to become quite natural.

You can take this to the next level by "writing dirty." There are a couple ways to do this:

Write out sexual fantasies. The dominant partner creates some kind of scenario or setting, which the submissive fantasises about while masturbating, and then writes a story about. The scenario can be as simple ("Fantasize about having sex in the shower") or as complex ("Imagine that you wake up one morning after being out partying late the night before. You're naked, lying in your bed surrounded by sex toys, with an empty bottle of lube and a videotape lying next to you. You have no memory of the night before and no idea how you got home. What do you do?") as you want.

to Write on the submissive's body. Talking dirty is fun; drawing and writing on your partner's body is fun; writing dirty things on your partner's body is even more fun. You can write something as simple as dirty words (such as writing "slut" across your partner's chest), or write short descriptions of what you plan to do to your partner just before you do it. You can even combine this with other ideas; during dinner at a restaurant, send your partner into the restroom with a Magic Marker and tell your partner to strip, write dirty words on his or her body, masturbate, and come back out.

This can be combined with public play. You can, for example, write things like "property of so-and-so" in large letters on the submissive's chest, then send him or her to work that way.

This can also be reversed; one person can write on his or her own body things he or she would like to have happen, and let his or her parter discover the writing as things progress.

Long-Distance Relationships

Distance need not be a barrier to sexuality. There are a number of things you can do to keep the sex life interesting even when you're separated. Some of the ideas already mentioned here, such as sealed lists of instructions, work quite well over long distances; others are made easier by Webcams, phones, and other modern conveniences.

Some of the ideas discussed under "public play" work well over long distances, too. For instance, the dominant partner can send the submissive partner into a restaurant for dinner, then call the submissive on a cell phone during the meal and instruct him or her to go into the bathroom and masturbate. If the submissive partner has a cell phone with a built-in camera, a very nice variant on this idea is to instruct the submissive partner to take a picture of himself or herself right at the moment of orgasm, with the camera, and then send it to the dominant partner before going back out to finish the meal.

to Conventional Webcams make very good tools when you want to "reach out and touch someone." Some of the things you can do are obvious, such as having your partner strip and touch himself or herself in front of the camera. Others are more fiendish, like:

Orgasm denial: It's great fun to tell your partner to masturbate, over and over, then tell him or her to stop right on the edge of orgasm. Keep doing this for an extended period of time, then send your partner to bed horny and frustrated.

Choose a part of the body at random--breasts, cock, pussy, whatever. Focus on that part of the body; watch as you instruct your partner to fondle, tease, torture (with clothespins or rope or whatever you like), and otherwise stimulate that part of his or her body, only without touching anything else and without orgasm.

Messy fun: set up the Webcam near the shower and watch as your partner makes a mess on his or her body with finger paints, whipped cream, French silk pie, or whatever else strikes your fancy, then gets clean.

Text messaging: A few times throughout the day, the dominant partner sends the submissive partner a text; the submissive partner must then stop what he or she is doing and masturbate to orgasm within 20 minutes of receiving the text.

Online instructions: if the dominant partner has access to a Web server, he or she can leave written instructions for the submissive, much like the instructions you might put into a sealed envelope. The submissive partner logs on with the Webcam, reads the instructions, and does whatever the Web page describes while the dominant partner watches.


Role-Playing Scenarios

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Surprise Beginnings

This is a good way to start a scenario or an evening's activities. When the submissive is away, perhaps at work or at the store, take a brown paper bag and place a set of restraints (ankle cuffs, wrist cuffs, or the like), or a blindfold, or both, in it. Set the paper bag near the bedroom door (or, if you have enough privacy, near the door to the house!), and tape a sheet of paper with instructions on it on the door. The sheet should instruct the submissive to strip completely, open the bag, and put on the restraints/cuffs/blindfold before opening the door. The submissive is not allowed through the door until he or she is properly prepared.

Naughty boarding school student
(This is for male submissives)

A variant on the classic "naughty Catholic schoolgirl," this fantasy scenario features a male boarding school student who is caught by the headmistress doing something bad--masturbating, reading a dirty magazine, or that sort of thing. The stern headmistress (or headmaster) must then discipline the schoolboy. Spankings and other corporeal punshment is a good place to start; or perhaps he will be stripped and made to stand in the corner, or be stripped and have his genitals bound, or be forced to beg the headmistress or headmaster for permission. In any event, if he becomes aroused during the punishment, then he will be in much more serious trouble...which may include more punishment directly to the submissive's genitals.

Variations on this scenario include the submissive being "caught" by the babysitter or other caretaker.

to Pony play

Pony play is traditionally done with female submissives but works just as well for male submissives. The submissive is treated as a "pony," and fairly elaborate scenario can be constructed around the buying of a new pony, the humiliating rituals of checking teeth and genitals for health problems, and the teaching and learning of new gaits and tricks. For example, the dominant can stand still with a crop, with the submissive on a tether (attached to a bit or even to nipple piercings), and have the submissive run in circles around the dominant until he or she reaches a constant speed for 'walk', for 'canter', for 'gallop', and so on. The crop can be used for 'motivation', "Get those knees up!" for example. For this type of pony play is that all you really need are a bit gag, some rope for reins, a 'hitching post', and space.

A variant on this is adding a 'pony tail' (a fall of hair attached to a butt plug) which can be fun to comb, to braid, and even to tie bows in.

Ghost

This is a role-playing scenario for three people, all of whom are lovers. One of the three players is a "ghost," invisible and inaudible to the other people. The two people who are not ghosts have a hot-n-heavy make-out session on the couch, while the ghost does whatever he or she likes to the other two people. The two people can not see or hear the ghost, but they can feel what the ghost does--so they blame the things on each other (for example, if the ghost gropes someone, that person will believe the other person did it). The ghost is free to do whatever he or she likes and touch or tease the others howeverhe or she wants--completely blameless.

to Interrogation

An interrogation scene is a role-playing scenario where one person knows some information that the other person is trying to find out. The trick to an interrogation scene is to have some specific piece of information, which the submissive partner knows but the dominant partner doesn't. A good way to do this is to shuffle a deck of cards and have the submissive secretly look at the top card in the deck; the dominant's job then becomes to get the submissive to say what card it is.

A basic interrogation scene might start out with the dominant "capturing" and forcibly restraining the submissive, perhaps by stripping the submissive and tying the submissive to a chair or to the bed. The dominant then begins "torturing" the submissive to get the information. This "torture" can combine many of the ideas described here--clothespins, spanking, paddling, mock-"rape," and so on. If the submissive doesn't turn over the information, the dominant can keep escalating the interrogation, gradually moving to more and more intense activity, until the submissive cracks and tells the dominant the information. If you're interested, you can find out more about doing this kind of thing here.

Night Security

The setting here is straightforward: the dominant is a security guard, and the submissive has committed some infraction--perhaps trespassing on secure property while walking home late one night.

The security guard confronts the offender, and takes the offender back into the security room, where the offender is subject to a humiliating strip search. the secuirty guard explains that standard policy is for the police to be notified and the offender is to be booked for criminal trespass, but that other arrangements can be made; at this point, wishing to avoid a night in jail, the offender does whatever the security guard instructs.

As a variation, the security guard is required by company policy to videotape the search, to prevent liability problems; after the guard and the trespasser reach their agreement, the guard continues to videotape the trespasser while the guard molests him or her, just to add to the humiliation...

The Prize

In this scenario, the submissive is a dancer at an "anything goes" nightclub. As a special promotion, the club has sponsored a drawing; the winner of the drawing gets full and complete use of the stripper for an evening, and the stripper must allow the winner to do whatever he or she wants. The winner takes full advantage of the prize, using the stripper as a sex toy; the stripper must be completely obedient and allow the winner to do whatever the winner wishes, regardless of how the stripper feels about it.

to Secret past

The submissive in this scenario has a secret past--some dark, shameful thing he or she has done, which his or her spouse absolutely, positively must never learn about. One day, a person out of this dark past shows up on the submissive's doorstep, with photographs and videotape in hand, threatening to expose the submissive's secret to his or her spouse.

Desperate, the submissive bribes the blackmailer with sexual favors, trading sex for the secrecy. the blackmailer may make any demands on the submissive's body; the submissive is forced to comply, or be exposed.

to The Hostage

This scenario is best with some prior planning; arrange a night in a seedy motel at the edge of town.

In this scenario, the submissive is an innocent victim, and the dominant is a desperate criminal. The dominant carjacks the victim's car to escape police, not allowing the victim time to escape and driving too fast for the victim to jump out of the car. The carjacker drives to a seedy motel on the edge of town, where he or she decides to take advantage of the turn of events by raping the victim in the run-down motel room.

The Photo Shoot

This is a fun scenario with a bonus: a little something after it's done as a keepsake.

One person is a professional photographer, specializing in erotic and sensual photography. The other is the client, who wants a special set of photographs.The client commissions the photographer to do a sexy series of photos, in whatever pose the photographer wants.

After the shoot is over, the photographer reveals a catch: the photographer wants payment for the shoot in a...special form. Rather than paying the normal fee, the client will pay the photographer in sexual favors. The client renders payment by becoming the photographer's plaything, agreeing to do whatever the photographer says. The photographer may even do a second shoot to record the events...

This can be a fun prelude to the "Secret Past" scenario described above, where later the photographs are used to blackmail the submissive into giving sexual favors.

The Pirate

This is a basic roleplaying scenario. You're the rapacious pirate plundering the village; she's the innocent maiden in the local town. (It works particularly well if you have an eyepatch and a bandana.) She's at home alone, minding her own business, when you come crashing through the door. She struggles, of course, but she's helpless to resist you. Swooping down on her, you bodily rip her clothing from her and pin her against the wall. You hold her there by the wrists while you explain what you're going to do to her. Then, finally, you ravish her until you're thoroughly satisfied.

Dinner and a Movie

This one explores the psychology of power exchange. One of you agrees to be the submissive for the evening; the other is the dominant, the maestro, the one whose word is law. You go out for an evening on the town--a formal dinner, perhaps, and maybe a movie afterward. The dominant should establish a few rules beforehand; for example, the submissive is not allowed to speak to or have any contact with anyone except the dominant. So, for example, when you're ordering your meals in the restaurant, the submissive cannot tell the waiter what to bring; he or she must tell the dominant, who will then tell the waiter. (Or, you can turn this around; the dominant speaks to nobody except through the submissive.) Rules like this are fun to play with, because while the people around you may notice something is going on, the won't know exactly what. As the evening progresses, the dominant can find all kinds of delightfully subtle ways to tease the submissive.

Perhaps the dominant will tell the submissive to go to the restroom and remove his or her her underwear, the better to tease him or her in a darkened theater. The dominant can order the submissive not to come back out of the restroom until he or she has masturbated to high arousal.

Or perhaps the submissive will have to wear a sex toy or anal plug of some sort under his or her clothes. Maybe during dinner the dominant can whisper to the submissive what will happen when they get back home.

The key to enjoying this kind of scenario is to keep it quiet; it's great fun if nobody else has the slightest idea what's going on. (To an aroused submissive, it will seem like it's obvious and that everybody knows what's happening--and that's part of the fun!)

Mad Scientist

In this game, the dominant is the evil mad scientist, and the submissive is his helpless experimental victim. The mad scientist (who for effect can be wearing rubber gloves and a disposable laboratory gown) has the subject tied to his examining table deep in the heart of his laboratory, and can perform all manner of experiments on her. He might, for example, probe her in various places using any one of a number of suitable laboratory instruments (vibrators are good for this). Perhaps while he's doing that, he might put clothespins on her nipples, to see how they respond to compression. Maybe he'll want to experiment to see how long she can be stimulated without being allowed to climax. He could keep her there through the long hours of the night, conducting endless experiments to find out how many times she can climax, or how large a probe she can accept, or how deeply she can be penetrated...you get the idea.

If you happen to be polyamorous, an interesting variant on this game is "Mad Scientist, Submissive Lab Assistant, and Innocent Victim."

Ravishment
(good for female submissives)

This starts as a romantic evening at home. It can be dinner for two, or cocktails, or simply wine in front of the fireplace. In any event, after kissing, cuddling and necking for awhile, she refuses to go farther. Slapping him, or pinching him in the middle of a clinch, should be last ditch actions.

Finally he reaches his limit. When she rejects his demand that she "put out", he ties her up, then has his way with her until she begs him for release.

Crime and Punishment

Make up some silly rules, the violation of which is grounds for arrest. One such "rule" might be Attempted Seduction; another could be Aggregated Sexiness, or Possession of a Dangerous Body. Or she can to wear hooker clothes, and stand on the corner of Driveway and Garage Door when he drives home. She makes him an offer, only to learn that he's a vice cop.

In any case, she's placed under arrest. He makes her "spread 'em", frisks her, and ties her hands -- it's been a busy night, they're out of handcuffs. This can also explain why she's tied to a chair in the squad (bed) room instead of going to lockup. If she smarts off to the arresting officer, he might even gag her.

Depending on your own particular tastes, she could get a bench trial and be sentenced to a spanking. Or she could bribe the officer with her body...

Switch Tease

Before anything gets underway, she ties his hands and blindfolds him. Then she puts on a sexy outfit that he likes her to wear. (Have you ever had to sit and listen to a woman change clothes?) When she's ready, she removes the blindfold, and proceeds to tease her prisoner unmercifully with her body. At some point, of course, she makes a mistake. Perhaps his pleas to be allowed to touch her make her careless. In any event, he gets loose, siezes her in his strong, masculine arms, and proceeds to tie her up. He then drives her wild with desire, until, standing over his captive, he slowly strips . . . Okay, you get the idea.

These kinds of things all qualify as "doing" BDSM; there are endless variants on these ideas, and a whole rich territory outside these particular scenarios to explore. Some people might be interested in doing this sort of thing only occasionally, and alternate between who's the dominant and who's the submissive; other people like to make dominance and submission a full-time part of their lives. The point is to have fun with it; discover what arouses you and do it!

Exchange of Power
(Good for bondage fans, rather than D/s fans)

She dresses in full Domme gear -- black lace bustier, long gloves, stockings and high heeled boots -- or a reasonable and affordable facsimile. She also needs a weapon -- a whip is of course traditional, but a toy pistol could also be used. She struts out and confronts him, orders him about like a mere slave. Perhaps he goes along for a bit, lulling her into false security. Then he swings into action, knocking her talisman of power from her hand. Perhaps he gives her "The Kiss of the Petite Mort"--a kiss so romantically powerful that her will is completely sapped. Or if they want to play a little rougher, he simply clips her (lightly!) on the jaw, knocking her out. Then he ties her up. She struggles fetchingly in her unyielding bonds, demanding release until her gags her. Then, slowly, he has his way with her helpless body . .

Playing Army

This one can be played either of two ways: Either the resistance fighter has been captured by the local garrison -- tied to a chair and interrogated as to the location of the secret base -- or the soldier has been caught by the local guerrillas, who are known for their ruthless treatment of the Occupation forces.

There are two costume choices. Either he puts on a "uniform" of dark green work pants, T-shirt and combat boots while she wears a partisenne costume of satin skirt, striped T-shirt, beret, and heels. Or he wears the beret and stripes as the Partisan while she wears a military-looking skirted suit with brass decorations and boots.

Pick a war, pick a side, have fun with it. In any case, the captive should manage to seduce the guard and escape.

Burglar
(This is for guys to spring on girls)

Call your lady friend. Tell her you've heard that there are Burglars in her neighborhood, who prey on the type of young, beautiful, single woman who traipeses around her apartment at 8:00 in the evening wearing sexy lingerie. They tie these women up, ransack their bedrooms, then Have Their Way with their helpless victims. They seldom even have to break in, because these women are the scatterbrained type who leave their front doors unlocked.

I mean: Lay it on with a trowel. Make it abundantly clear to your friend that she should be lounging around her place in lingerie with the front door unlocked at 8 o'clock tonight.

Obviously, you go over to her place at 8, wearing a burglar costume: Black shirt, black slacks, leather gloves, a swag bag, and a mask of some kind. When you buzz, announce "Burglars!" in a friendly voice (assuming there's nobody else in the lobby) Go up to her place. Open the door. Tiptoe around until you find your lady, hopefully dressed to please you. You could "chloroform" her by holding a handkerchief soaked in cheap cologne lightly over her nose and mouth for a few seconds; Or she could obligingly faint at the very sight of you. Or you can simply seize her in your strong, manly arms. The result is the same: She gets bound and gagged in her bedroom, where she must sit / lie helplessly while you go through her dresser drawers, take her costume jewelry, rummage in her purse, and generally violate her space. Then you can violate her. After you've taken everything of value, you leave her tied up and go. (NOTE DANGER WARNING ALERT PAY ATTENTION! Do NOT go out any doors that lock, period!) Just go a short distance away. Wait a few minutes. Put on a different shirt, and take off the mask. Then go back into the bedroom with a cheerful, "Here I am to protect you from the burglars -- Heavens! What happened!!" Untie her, take her in your arms, comfort her an any way she may desire. See how many ways she can show her gratitude for being rescued.

For people whose tastes are a bit spicier, you can do the same sort of scenario with less warning. Call your partner and tell her you've just seen a news report that says there's a burglar in the area. Then, dress as a burglar, and creep into your house. Catch your partner by surprise, physically overpower him or her, and have your way with him or her.

Burglar II
(Good for submissive females)

In this version, she's the burglar -- black leotard, black tights, high-heeled boots and mask. She sneaks into his apartment, and begins rummaging through his things. Suddenly the lights go on -- she's caught! He ties her up to hold her for the cops. She pleads with him, and offers *anything* if he will let her go. . . .

Exorcism

This is a complex role-playing scenario good for psychological interplay. In this scenario, one partner is possessed by a demon; the other partner is a member of the clergy called in to cast out the evil spirit.

The demon does not want to go, of course, and will do anything, up to and including trying to seduce the clergyman, to escape. Complicating the scenario is the fact that the person possessed by the demon is sexually chaste and naive, and is quite shocked by the things the demon is making him or her do; complicating it still further is the fact that the clergyman is also sexually naive and inexperienced. So the evil demon forces a sexually timid person to seduce the inexperienced priest in some extremely vulgar and profane ways, much to the chagrin of the person whose body the demon has inhabited, and is using...

This scenario can allow you to really play up the virgin/whore dichotomy. It also allows for a great deal of very kinky humiliation play, where the person possessed by the demon will describe himself or herself in graphic and vulgar terms, and perform very kinky actions, while still trying to "resist" doing these things. Will the priest be able to cast out the demon before both people lose their purity? Probably not...

The Deprogramming

This is a scenario that's similar in some ways. It's also psychologically complex. One person is a brainwashed cult victim recently rescued from the clutches of a cult; the other is an unethical deprogrammer.

The deprogrammer is trying to undo the effects of the cult brainwashing. During this process, the cult victim becomes confused, and loses all perspective on the difference between right and wrong. The unethical deprogrammer takes advantage of the vulnerable cult victim by making the victim do things for the deprogrammer's own twisted sexual gratification.

(With thanks to C. A. Hogue, J, and others for feedback and scenario ideas)



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